happy birthday, tucker!

i can hardly believe my little boy is 4 today. to some degree, i say that every time my kids have a birthday. but watching your youngest grow so fast is a bit unsettling.

lately, i find that he’s correcting me when i talk to him as if he’s “little.” and sometimes he’s the one teaching me the grown-up lessons.

like last week... he and i were on a quick shopping excursion to target to hit up some extra-appealing christmas deals. he was relatively patient while i searched for the right gifts (and then tried to hide them so he wouldn’t see them...) i promised him a snack if he was cooperative while i shopped, and he obliged; so we stopped at the target cafe on our way out. cookie for tucker. pretzel for me. as he sat and took tucker-sized nibbles from his giant cookie, all i could think about was how much i had to do that day... and how eager i was to get home and do it. my pretzel was gone in an embarrassingly short amount of time, but he was not even a quarter of a way through that cookie. i tried to encourage him to eat faster. i suggested he take it home with him. finally, i asked, “are you done yet?” to which my not-quite four year old son answered, “mommy, it’s not a race.”

huh...

true.

it’s not a race.

about the same time, i noticed an elderly woman in a wheelchair nearby, waiting for her freshly ordered starbucks drink. i thought about the life she may have lived... children, grandchildren, great grandchildren. i bet she thought they’d never get out of diapers, never stop fighting, never pick up their dirty clothes, never finish their dinner. and then, suddenly,...

it’s not a race.

maybe if i slowed down a bit, it wouldn’t seem to go by so fast.

maybe.

happy birthday, tucker...

tucker's current state of affairs

aside from the last update, i feel as though my blog makes it look like i only have one child. i mean, really, do i even have 2 daughters? i'm very happy to care for any of my children in need of my attention, but lately, my life seems to revolve around a certain 3 year old. he's needed it. for now, though, i think he needs a break. i need a break. anyone who gets undivided attention for over 2 weeks is bound to have issues.

yesterday, i took tucker to his 2 week post-op appointment with the surgeon who performed his tonsillectomy. the good news is that his throat is healing right on schedule and tucker is free to return to his normal activities and menu. the not so good news is that our sleepless nights may not end any time soon. ever since his surgery, tucker has woken up screaming several times a night. yes, we adjusted medication. we've tried everything. the doctor informed me that the nighttime problem should be resolved in about six weeks. SIX weeks. SIX WEEKS? what the heck? i don't really know why he's having such a hard time... but apparently this is normal (?) following this procedure. great. last night i was up with him 4 times before he went more than an hour without screaming. and he's not even awake. how do you reason with a sleeping, screaming three year old? oh well...

as a way to celebrate his clean bill of health, we decided to let tucker decide what we'd eat for dinner last night. not surprisingly, he opted for mcdonalds (and, consequently got his mother out of cooking dinner, bless his heart). he was so excited for that burger and fries... til the first bite hit his throat. his eyes popped open and he grabbed his neck. "it hurts my throat!" he cried. chuck and i just looked at each other thinking, "huh,... maybe he isn't always making it up..." before we could swap his happy meal for soft serve, however, he was back in his seat taking deep breaths and saying, "i can eat this..." and he did. despite whatever discomfort it caused, he sat there and got every last bite down. either way, it was encouraging. it was good to see him eat, because the last few weeks has made our little boy even tinier than usual. it was also encouraging to discover that, although some foods may not feel great going down, he can eat them. so, the next time he comes to my dinner table, takes one look at my dinner, and dramatically whispers (after having gobbled up a bag of goldfish crackers) "i can't eat that. it hurts my throat..." i'll know he's full of bunk.

tucker and the tonsils...

i document. it's what i do. chuck makes fun of me for recording our family events rather than actually experiencing them. in the case of tucker's tonsillectomy, it was not my intention to document - i just figured i'd get a before and after shot. ironically, chuck took most of the pictures this time.

tucker's journey since last thursday has been challenging for all of us (although, i suppose physically, he is recovering right on schedule).

as he was prepared to go back to the OR, chuck read tucker's favorite book...

once he and daddy were fully changed, he definitely knew something was up. leading up to this point, he kept saying, "i don't want my tonsils out. i want to keep them."

although tucker clung to chuck before the surgery, he only wanted me afterwards. of course, he wasn't exactly coherent...

we were glad when he fell back to sleep on my lap, because every time he woke up he was not happy.

in fact, he was pretty miserable.

i can only imagine what it must feel like to "go to sleep" feeling fine only to wake up feeling like someone drove a truck down your throat. he kept telling us he was choking.

he refused to drink or try any popsicles (mainly because he HATES cold foods). all he really wanted was to go home. the nurse finally told him he could go home as soon as he started eating and drinking. to that, he responded, "give me that popsicle."

the ride home was a somber affair...

once home, however, chuck plopped his mattress right in front of the tv and granted him free access to the wii. this distracted him for the greater portion of the day.

he even got to nap there!

he looks peaceful here.

unfortunately, waking up is much harder than falling asleep,... and for the last several days this entire process has repeated itself every time he wakes up.

tucker and the trains...

well, this post has been a long time coming... but i'm determined to catch up on life a bit.

last month, i took tucker to the Strasburg Railroad to see Thomas the Train. this trip was a special reward for his choice to be a big boy by giving up his thumb. it's hard to believe my youngest has so quickly left that stage of his life behind, but i'm very proud to see him grow up. experiencing all the big trains in action was amazing enough for a three year old boy, but seeing the big trains along with the REAL Thomas was definitely over the top.

i gave him his choice of train hat - and although all the other kids were sporting the cute denim engineer caps,

tucker went straight for the "mr conductor" hat. and he wore it well...

our train ride was rather quiet. having me all to himself is not something tucker is used to, so he didn't feel the need to do a lot of talking.

instead he just took in the sights.

and there was lots to see...

but, by far, his favorite sight was his favorite train pulling out of the station as we were pulling back in. he was on the look-out...

"there he is!"

"bye, thomas!!"

oh, to be in that head of his...

i do have other children.  really.  

for some reason, though, tucker seems to be at the forefront of my mind these days.  

tonight, he's sitting at the dinner table.

dinner has been cleaned up for over a half hour.  

everyone else has long since moved on.  

he's still fighting with pasta and broccoli.

from the lonely table, he just announced, 

"when i eat gross things, it makes my head shake.  like there's maracas in there..."

a few random faces from that crazy little head

post-trampoline interview

the many adventures of tucker...

i'm really hoping that these stories do not become a regular occurrence.  i'm not so sure, though.  at 3 yrs old, tucker has aged me more than my older three children combined ever could.  not sure what it is about that boy...but none of my other kids have made me consider medication...for myself.  this weekend, tucker made his second emergency visit in the last month.  and my nerves are shot.  

yesterday evening, tucker and his 2 sisters were on a trampoline at grandma's house when he fell off.  we're still not sure how it happened - fell, rolled, something.  either way, chloe came running in the house to tell me that he had fallen on the concrete and hit his head.  i ran outside to find him screaming (they had him laying on the trampoline at this point).  after seeing that he was moving, i picked him up and tried to get him to talk to me.  he wouldn't.  he was too busy screaming.  i lay him on a bed with an ice pack and tried to calm him down to no avail.  

at the point when he started to fall asleep in between screams, i knew he needed to be seen by someone.  so, we quickly got him to the closest ER - and, thankfully, were seen immediately.  the dr and nurses had no better luck getting him to calm down.  he was not cooperative in the least... he refused to answer questions.  he was angry and volatile, and every time the dr touched his neck or head, he got angrier and screamed louder.  the dr tried to do a neurological work-up, but was limited by tucker's irritation.  he did tell us that tucker's resistance and fight was a good sign - he definitely didn't show any signs of spinal injury the way he was whipping his head around trying to get away from the dr's hands.  

my biggest concern was the fact that he wouldn't respond to our questions or requests...and that when he did finally start to calm down, he would fall asleep.  they decided to do a cat scan, as that was the only thing that would determine if there had been any internal injury, bleeding, or swelling.  we weren't sure if he'd lay still enough for the scan, but within 30 seconds of laying down on the table, he fell asleep.  

it only took minutes for the dr to return to our room and tell us that the scan was completely clean - everything looked normal and healthy.  he agreed that tucker was suffering from a concussion - however mild - but was fine.  he advised us to keep an eye out for anything abnormal.  so, we took him back to chuck's parents house.  as soon as we got him in the car, he started talking and answering all our questions.  of course.  it was almost as if he was a different child.  that night he slept well (although i did not...) and woke up fine the next morning.  a few hours later, we left for our 4 hr drive home, but about 45 minutes into that drive, tucker began crying in the car...and then proceeded to throw up.  as chuck and i stopped and scrambled to clean up the mess, we were both wondering what exactly was going on.  was this one of those things we should be "watching for" or was this the logical product of windy and hilly mountain roads?  the next 3 hrs were long and painful as we watched for any more signs that he wasn't "right."  thankfully, i think we're able to chalk that incident up to good old fashioned car sickness.  

even now, 24 hrs later, my nerves are a bit frazzled.  and, oddly (or not), he doesn't seem to remember much of it; i wonder now if he was really "with it" the entire time.  he's only 3.  how much more of this can i take?  the dr got a kick out of tucker's shirt, aptly labeled, "I do all my own stunts."  haha...yeah, right.  we commented that he was wearing the same shirt the night he went to the ER with a lego in his nose.  maybe it's time to retire that shirt...