that's all i've got. i know i'm looking for something. i have no idea what it is.
life is good here. i could complain, but i won't. there's always stuff, but stuff isn't always bad. it just is.
i've been caring for my 18 month old nephew while his parents are away for their anniversary. he is happy and beautiful and fun. but he needs me in ways that my four surprisingly independent children do not. although it is a change of pace, i do not mind this. it reminds me that people have needs. that even my children, who can wipe their own noses and get themselves dressed and take their own showers, still have needs. and it's made me stop to consider what those needs might be. as a mother, have i allowed my role to be defined by a list of physical needs that must be met? am i meeting their emotional, mental, and spiritual needs? am i even aware of what those needs might be?
my awareness of my children's needs only leads me to question my proficiency at meeting my husband's needs. like any other person, those needs change from week to week, month to month, year to year. it's not hard to slip into auto-pilot when it comes to him either - to meet those needs that i'm aware of - but to overlook the more subtle, changing needs that i haven't bothered to notice.
of course, assuming i am aware of and striving towards being a need-meeter at home, i am led to ask, "what about others?" most of my friends are busy need-meeters in their own homes... but that doesn't change the fact that they, themselves, have needs.
and, then, there is extended family.
and church.
and...
well...
me?
i can't have this conversation with myself without coming face to face with my tragic flaw of always seeing stuff instead of people. i see the people... but i see them in terms of what they need from me... what i need to do for them,... what need they have that i have not yet met. and, so i feel stuck.
but it's all good. these things remind me that life is about more than just me.
seeing the needs of others keeps things in perspective.
and still there is a nose to wipe, lunches to make, a bathroom to clean, an email to send.
Needs are tricky. On the one hand, we are responsible to care for those around us. On the other hand, we can't be a Savior. We can't meet people's needs the way they need HIM to meet them. I struggle with this as well, and I'm learning my boundaries of when to help, when to offer advice, and when to let it go because it is not my problem to solve. It's tricky, like I said before, but thankfully, He is there to fulfill our needs and help us to see where He wants to use us.
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