i begin writing this knowing that there is a very good chance i won't get to finish. that's why i haven't gotten much further than my weekly Tuesday's Tip. regrettably, life doesn't slow down for my need to write about it. neither do my kids.
blogging went from being a mystery to a guilty pleasure, but now it is an illusive luxury - something i wonder if i'll ever get to enjoy again. when i actually take the time to sit and write, i don't often finish my thoughts because my "audience" has simply broadened too much. venting isn't an option when too many people may read with the ever-popular "is she talking about me?" question lurking in the back of their minds. (the answer, btw, is no, i'm not. i never am.) of course, what began as a sahm's ramblings is now open to male readers, which i'm fine with... but it occurs to me that men don't want to know about pms and other such stuff that i wouldn't mind getting off my chest. (see,... "chest" - maybe i shouldn't have written that). honesty isn't always the best policy.
but, i've never been one for writing fiction... and my life doesn't always play out as a self-help piece, either. whining isn't an option, because, as you may know, whining-blogs top my list of pet-peeves. so, here i am.
i spoke with my doctor last year about that feeling of insanity that hits me once a month (sorry, guys...). i'm sure she meant to be helpful, but she wasn't.
"maybe you could light a candle and try to relax?" she offered. really? are you kidding me? on some days, i'd be more likely to light the house on fire...
"well, some women take valium." ok, clearly we're not connecting here.
so, here i stay. somewhere between valium and a scented candle. i need to write about it but am not sure i can put it out there without feeling like i shouldn't have. really, i have nothing to hide. but, in real life, people find out what they want by getting to know me. what they don't know about me remains a mystery because they've chosen to keep their distance.
blogging has changed that world, though...
now we can lurk without a trail.
read without commenting.
collect information to disclose without the guilt of gossip.
it's amazing how technology has fully opened up lines of communication all while allowing us the comfort of our firmly built walls. i never thought i'd mind.
Oh, Katie! This is so great. I love this little ramble! My cure for PMS is to get alone for a bit. I sure don't light a candle or take drugs (besides ibuprofen), but I think just having some "me" time is helpful. Do you EVER get that these days?
ReplyDeleteIt has been fun reconnecting with you, first on Xanga and now on here. I admire your dedication to write a blog. Sometimes I barely have time to read a blog without interruption from my children.
ReplyDeleteAh Kate and it only gets better somewhere between the candle and the valium, or the reality of life. Some wise cousin once asked me what I was doing with myself and I told her and I went on and on and on and in the end said everything but the kitchen sink. She said to me "girl forget the kitchen sink, you got the whole kitchen in there!" The question to ask yourself is when it slows (and it will eventually) will it make you happy or sad. For example Taylor is now done with recreational softball, I have driven her across the country several times adding all the miles in there, and you know what I am sad, teary right now thinking about it, no summer softball next year. And yes my life will slow without it and I may have the elusive me time, but guess what I don't want it, I would much rather watch Taylor firing for the out at second or stradling the bag, front foot half on half off, back knee bent, arms in the ready to run position. You know what I learned, I will tell you as the tears now fall, now that its over I am so sorry that I wished for it to be so. I took great pleasure in watching Jesse practice the other night, sure I complained a litte (its in my nature) but I enjoyed it, and thats my new plan enjoy every minute of what I am doing because it will end someday whether I want it too or not.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about blog posts. I've even thought about going back to Xanga because you can make it readable only to your selected list. But in the end, I decided to go the other way, and publish links to my blog on FB and Twitter, and just edit the heck out of what I say. Let me tell you, it results in a LOT fewer posts. But maybe that's better, given what all the Bible says about positive talk and how powerful your words are. Of course, there were no blogs back then. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI started typing my comment and then read Joyful Juggler's and realized I had typed almost word for word what she did. ha. I was also thinking about going back to xanga... especially for those venting posts. I don't blog much on blogger because it feels so... out there. I'm even careful about which pictures I post, etc. I like that on facebook and xanga you can control some of the views. ah well. i fully appreciated this post. :)
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